It's happening. I'm writing online for the NZ Herald. I'm immediately going to start telling people in bars that I'm a columnist instead of a lawyer. Take that, Life!
I'm Hannah from Girls. Struggling in the big city, making hilarious mistakes, figuring out my life with a quirky upbeat sense of humour.
Hmmm. Hannah is an unemployed, anxious, terribly-dressed crazy girl with no money, bad friends and worse men. I should probably aim higher.
Ding! Maybe I'm Carrie Bradshaw, of Sex and the City fame. Glamorous and independent with great girlfriends and surrounded by interesting/charming/weird men-folk and a full walk-in wardrobe.
Except that I really quite detest dating and I have never even tried on a Jimmy Choo. Also I live in London so I'm kind of hoping I don't get a walk in wardrobe because that will probably be the totality of my room.
Right, well before I get lost in a fantasy about which fictional TV character I most resemble I have to actually write something.
What do I write about? I mean, normally I just write about whatever is on my mind that week, but right now all that's on my mind is the fact that I have to write this blog. One that might be read. By people.
I knocked some ideas around - meeting boys, starting a new job, the irrational and all-consuming anger you feel on your morning commute - but nothing seemed right. Not for my first shot.
Then, thought I'd try the Hemingway approach - write drunk, edit sober. Everyone knows that writers are alcoholics, right? There's got to be something in it. Plus there is nothing more delicious than Tuesday Wines.
Turns out I'm not that interesting intoxicated and my thoughts under the influence are best not recorded. So that experiment just left me with a bit of a hangover and the overall impression that I am incredibly lucky my friends continue to invite me to parties.
First deadline looming (this one right here), I did something disgusting. I Googled "mid-20s blog". WTF? What am I? A 55-year- old sales exec trying to tap into the "youth market"?
This is crazy. I've totally over thunk it. So I'll just be honest.
I mostly don't know what I'm doing. I hold no secrets to happiness and I do not have a diet even closely resembling Gwyneth Paltrow's. In fact, right at this moment I am warming up a muffin on the heater next to my desk because I can't be bothered walking to the microwave.
However, I have travelled all over the world, met all kinds of people in all kinds of situations, and I've realised hardly anyone knows what they are doing.
But I have found that the same problems come up a lot - career crises, dating, partying, inferiority complexes, moving to a new city, sex, money problems, travel, exercise, being a girl...
So I will lift the lid a little bit, share my stories as honestly and openly as I can and just see if they resonate with anyone.
So there we are. My first instalment - stay tuned (the first topic from Frankie will land online Wednesday).
That wasn't so hard after all.