You really shouldn't curse and swear at your kids. But you can sometimes get away with it if you say it under your breath.
"Those little buggers." "What the ****?" "You little brat."
And sometimes, brat can even be replaced with the s-word if the occasion calls for it. Like when they continue to jump off the couch (nearly breaking their ankles), run out into the street, or keep putting coins into their mouths like lollies.
But remember, vent your scorn under your breath.
Go on, admit it, you've muttered these little gems, or something similar.
Many times I've found myself walking away, throwing my head back in restrained rage, and bleating a few mini diatribes because Mia is having a meltdown about simple little things like putting her undies on, not eating breakfast, or refusing to have her teeth cleaned.
Sometimes at home though these frustrated utterances can slip out at full volume.
Only on rare occasions are bad words ever spoken, and more often it's something like, "Oh my god, stop that grizzling". Or "PLEASE stop that whining.
Then, with slightly less, almost inaudible volume, comes a mumbled yet relieving, "bloody hell".
Then again, saying "bloody hell" - under your breath or not - in public is another story.
The supermarket is an ideal place to witness bouts of verbal exasperation brought on by kids not doing as they're told.
Sometimes a parent's supermarket visit can escalate out of control and under-the-breath mutterings can turn into for-crying-out-loud abuse.
This is when cursing your kids turns bad.
It can be anything as blunt as "Shut up!", to the entirely reasonable yet forceful, "LOOK, would you kids be quiet."
It's just that raising your voice and speaking a little hot headedly to your little ones is often as frowned upon as a clip round the ear or a smack on the bum these days.
People probably wonder, if that happens in public, then what happens when the little guys get home?
But sometimes, even mum and dad have to vent and bugger those suspicious public eyes, because you only want the kid(s) to behave. Just try not to scream, especially in the supermarket.
And if you ask me, don't beat yourself up if the kids sense your tension, or even hear your subtle cursing.
They might learn a few new colourful words. So what?
After two years and three months the only naughty word Mia has ever parroted back at me is "bugger" and that was actually quite cute.
Besides, a miracle may happen and the little angels might feel your frustration and decide to pull their cute little heads in.