KEY POINTS:
Sometimes I think my readers really over-estimate me.
If I had the answer to this question, I would not be writing a blog for the Herald; I would be telling/selling my secret to all and sundry and making millions of dollars in the process.
Gerald, an ex-pat in Ontario asks: "How do you get out of the friend zone?"
He explains: "For some reason I seem to become 'best friends' with girls before I decide that I am desperately in love with them.
"Unfortunately by this time I have become a trustful ally worthy of providing sacred male opinion in a totally desexualised sort of way.
"Even comments of 'I love you Gerald', 'I miss you so much, 'We should get married' or my personal favourite, 'If only I could find someone like you...' are thrown around with such indifference I begin to wonder what I am doing wrong.
"The friendship usually ends when the girl starts dating someone else, stops hanging out with me and I'm left in a three-hour rage about how I'm stuck as being friends with all the awesome girls.
"I have two questions from this: a) How do I keep girls at such a distance so that if I decide I like them I can pounce without entering the friend zone? Or more importantly, b) How do I get out of the friend zone once already in?"
Yup, that's a tricky one alright. I've been on both ends of this situation and am still no wiser.
My favourite is when someone says they don't want anything to happen because it will ruin the friendship. And then proceed to get so weirded out they stop talking to you and the friendship is over anyway.
As for your questions, well, first things first, you need to stand up for yourself.
Nobody is going to date someone they don't respect.
Don't be at her disposal night and day. If you drop everything to accomodate her, pandering to her needs, she will quickly come to see you as a sweet-but-slightly-pathetic puppy.
Girls love puppies. But they don't want to date them.
Don't be her shoulder to cry on. She gets stood up, she comes to you, you comfort her.
Like a little girl running to her Dad, you will become a security device. An asexual security device.
Don't be her girlfriend. Discussions of wardrobe choices, crushes and her love life equal instant friend zone.
Someone once said to me (a male friend I was deeply in love with): "Girls come and go Jo, but you'll always be my best friend."
At the time (I was particularly young and stupid) I thought it was terribly profound. And happily sat back and watched while girls - many, many girls - came and went.
Finally he found one to keep and I became redundant.
It was a harsh but important lesson to learn: If you don't stand up for yourself and your feelings, no one else will.
Other than that, buggered if I know.
Anyone else?