England have no chance against the Kangaroos tomorrow.

If you've just received a letter from the Queen celebrating your latest birthday, and the glory years of 1921-1930 are still fresh in your still razor sharp mind, then you may have a different perspective. But anyone in their mid-30s with any affinity for the English game knows the Poms will be hammered out of sight in tomorrow morning's Four Nations final. Either that, or they'll hold a lead until the 79th minute and then be undone by a spectacular length-of-the field try. Either way, they'll lose.

That's just the English way. At least it has been since 1970, the last time Great Britain beat Australia in a series.

Since then it was been a tale of woe. To damn them with faint praise, the English have seldom been humiliated. There has been the odd massacre here and there, but the Poms have had their share of one-off wins and series near-misses.

From 1979 to 1986 was probably the darkest period for the British game, with the Aussies notching four straight 3-0 series clean sweeps. Since then it has all been about closing the gap. The six Ashes series between '86 and 2001 all went to the Kangaroos 2-1, giving the impression the gap wasn't much wider than the one they warn you not to fall into when you get off a London tube.

One big push and the Poms could finally break through. 2003 was going to be that year. Great Britain had a fine team. Led by rampaging props Adrian Morley and Stuart Fielden and bullocking second rower Jamie Peacock, they would surely be a match for the Roos.

The British press pack (of which as the league writer on Bradford's daily paper I was a defacto member) sensed something memorable was about to happen.

It was, too, with Moz Morley getting sent off for pole-axing Robbie Kearns in the first tackle of the series. Despite playing the entire match a man down, the British still should have won. But Australia escaped with a 22-18 victory thanks to a late Trent Waterhouse try.

Morley didn't have the greatest time in what was promoted as the Think! Don't Drink and Drive Series, getting nicked for doing just that in his home town of Salford. Thinking, as it transpires, isn't really Moz's strong point.

He was somehow cleared to play in the second test but his presence couldn't prevent the Brits from going down in a similarly excruciating fashion, this time to a Darren Lockyer try. When yet another late lead was blown in Huddersfield (pencil in Michael De Vere's name on lengthy list of Aussies who've knobbed England with a late try) the long suffering British press had had enough. The sight of Kangaroos coach Chris Anderson grinning from ear to ear while slapping his "little champion" Brett Kimmorley on the thigh was more than many could take.