It seemed like such a simple combo. "Pon-pon-pata-pon", went the drumbeat. Tap-tap-tap-tap went my fingers on the Playstation controller.
I was supposed to be tapping them in time to the drums. It looked right. It sounded right. In my brain, it was right. But I was wrong. So wrong.
All I got were error messages, blank looks from my tribe, and a message telling me: "Don't give up."
Just like Guitar Hero, Patapon is a great way to learn that I have zero rhythmic abilities, and the results are kind of embarrassing.
First released on the PSP in Japan in 2007, and the rest of the world in 2008,
Patapon is the latest game to get the reboot treatment from Playstation, which has recently given LocoRoco, PaRappa the Rapper and Crash Bandicoot the same upgrades, with excellent results.
Despite being more of a niche title, Patapon Remastered, at the super-cheap price of $20, feels almost as essential as those big name titles.
That's because it's a game that gives the drummer some. You take command of a tribe of chirpy, spear-throwing warriors, and you control them by tapping out drumbeats on the Playstation 4 controller.
Your missions are won or lost on your ability to correctly tap out drum patterns in time with the music. It sounds easy. And at first, it is.
The simple commands - "Pon-pon-pata-pon" is just circle-circle-square-circle - are easy to grasp, and once your brain gets in sync with the drum patterns, you can get your tribe marching, make them throw a few spears, and start winning some battles.
But then things get harder. You have to tap out multiple commands, remember more drum patterns, and harder keypad combos. Your tribe needs feeding. It needs to break down that wall. It has to defeat the giant sea serpent.
And that's when my brain caved in on itself. The chirpy vocal patterns, at first cute and cuddly, suddenly threw me into a rage. The helpful hints from my tribe just turned my embarrassment into words. My thumbs hurt from smashing the buttons too hard, and I had to stop.
The remastered Patapon, despite some block title screens and dodgy menu systems, is a great looking game. It's upbeat, engaging, and occasionally uncompromising. I'll be back. But only after I've booked in some drum lessons. Clearly, I need them.
Platform: Playstation 4
Verdict: Gives the drummer some