Married At First Sight: 'Her intentions are all bulls***'

By James Weir

When attending a boring dinner party with a group of people you barely know, sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands by picking a random target around the table and accusing them of being a complete witch.

That's what Anthony did on tonight's episode of Married At First Sight when he handed out pitchforks to all the couples at a dinner party and led a full-blown attack on Cheryl.

I swear, at one point I heard him yell, "Charge!"

The weekly booze-soaked dinner party has rolled around again and Cheryl and Andrew make a surprise appearance to announce they've re-entered the competition together.

But some people aren't happy with the news. While everyone feels sorry for Andrew because he was dumped outside of a pub, others have decided Cheryl is a rat.

As one of the experts notes, some couples have the perception that Cheryl is "breaking the rules" by coming back to the experiment with Andrew. And by "some couples", I mean Anthony.

Not content with controlling Nadia's career, hair and probably her ovaries, Anthony now also authorises her wardrobe too. At the dinner party, he makes her co-ordinate with his all-white outfit, just like Victoria and David Beckham in the early 2000s.

Fresh you guys.
Fresh you guys.

As all the couples sit around waiting for dinner, they observe it's probably going to be a boring night now that a broom has been run through the series and all the trouble-makers have been given the flick.

Cue Andrew and Cheryl.

After last night's perfect date with each other, they caught up again for a picnic today and decided they'd officially re-enter the experiment together.

As they enter the dinner party, everyone rushes over to greet Andrew, ignoring Cheryl and squishing her into a wall in the process.

It turns out, they've all decided they love Andrew, but hate Cheryl.

Sensing this, Cheryl tries to address any concerns upfront.

"It does look bad on my behalf, kind of walking into a dinner party with another guy ... and I kind of left a dinner party accusing my husband of talking to another girl," she tells the group as they all glare at her around the dining table.

She explains that at last week's dinner party she was with Jonathan, but she wasn't really feeling it, but she hit it off with Andrew and once her marriage crashed and burned she called the experts up and was like "heyyy!" and they were like "gurrrl!" and now we're all here.

The twins Sharon and Michelle aren't happy. If you recall, they're actually friends with Andrew because they play on a mixed netball team every Tuesday night and they possessively call him "Jonesy" to repeatedly remind everyone they know him.

A twin.
A twin.

It seems everyone is annoyed that Cheryl has just traipsed back into the experiment and cherry picked a guy she likes when they all had to play by the rules and be blindly matched like chumps.

With sass reminiscent of their first encounter with Cheryl when they called her Shrek, one of the twins remarks: "You married a guy and now you're with another guy?" before pursing her lips and looking the other way.

Not happy that a woman has taken charge of the attack on Cheryl, Anthony wrestles the reigns back.

Oh you did not just purse your lips at me.
Oh you did not just purse your lips at me.

Do we have a second to talk about Anthony? Anthony is a total upstart with small-man syndrome and he probably still expects his mum to wash his clothes.

He tries to put Cheryl on the spot by shooting obnoxious questions at her regarding her motives.

"S*** just got real very quickly," he says. If you haven't noticed, he says this every episode even when s*** hasn't really gotten real. I think he's just recently learnt the phrase from a movie or something and he's excited about saying it.

"We'll see how this one pans out, good luck to you both. You'll need it," he remarks snidely.

He then pulls a face that makes me want to throw my TV on the floor.

Anthony pulls a lot of faces that make him look like a ventriloquist dummy. This is one of them.
Anthony pulls a lot of faces that make him look like a ventriloquist dummy. This is one of them.

When Cheryl tells the group Andrew is "definitely" someone she would date outside of the experiment, Anthony bellows across the table: "BULLS***!"

"Absolutely I'm questioning Cheryl's intentions because, you know, it's all bulls***. It was a complete act. She doesn't deserve a second chance," he tells us.

As an upset Cheryl walks out of the dining room, we turn to our left and overhear a rather tense conversation between Sharon and Nick.

The word "strippers" is being bandied about, so we quietly sit near them pretending to text on our phones so we can hear the rest of the argument.

"I'm confused (that) you would know (about) strippers. Tell me you wouldn't," Sharon demands.

"Yeah ... I got a membership," Nick tells her.

Sharon's disgusted and interrogates him for all the details. He says he goes once or twice a month - and sometimes "three times in one night".

Sharon's furious and wants to know more details so she can get even angrier. But she knows the angrier she gets the less Nick will tell her, so she insists she's not enraged even though she's clearly about to flip the table.

Shaz is totally chill.
Shaz is totally chill.

"So you enjoy looking at naked chicks with their fannies and tits in front of you?" she quizzes.

Sharon's at that point in the argument where you don't care who's around or how loud you're saying the word "fannies".

Her sister Michelle tries to tame her like a puppy: "Shaz! Shazzy! Shaz, Shaz! Shazzy!" she calls her into submission.

We leave the stripper argument here, but it's certainly not over. I guarantee Sharon won't talk to Nick for the whole ride home and, after getting ready for bed in silence, she'll lie down and turn off the lights even if he's not ready.

Then when Nick tries to snuggle she'll aggressively pull her body away from him to reiterate that it is so not over.

Cheryl walks back into the dining room just as Anthony has finished handing everyone a pitchfork. He spots a few more shreds on Cheryl that he thinks need tearing off.

"Oh there's a shred. Let me tear it off you."
"Oh there's a shred. Let me tear it off you."

"Why do you feel like you deserve a second chance as opposed to Jonathan and Scarlett and Michael?" he shoots at her.

" ... I find it interesting that you got a second chance," he adds.

Anthony has decided Cheryl has sullied the name of this once upstanding experiment and is not worthy of a comeback.

"Putting yourself in this position, though, where you're having a second time around ... you gotta get it right. You're gonna look like a f*ckin' idiot if you get it wrong," he spits.

Cheryl cries, Andrew tells Anthony to ease up and Nadia is careful not to overstep the boundaries put in place by her husband so she politely tells him to please back off.

Worried we've all realised he's perhaps one of the most irritating people to be around, Anthony attempts to backtrack: "In hindsight, maybe I could've handled that a little more delicately."

In hindsight, maybe Anthony is just a wad.

Married At First Sight Australia is on Monday-Wednesday nights on Three.

- news.com.au

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