Gothic horror story complete with piercings and pythons
Ashley Glawe, a committed goth with tattoos, piercings, and earlobe holes, was "hanging out" with Bart, her pet python, when he climbed into one of the spacious lobe holes. She couldn't get him out, nor could firefighters, but with lubrication, hospital emergency workers did avoiding the rather nasty outcome of a split lobe if Bart had persisted. (Source: oregainlive.com)
1. Combine all sports into one sport called Ballstorm and then maybe I'll watch it
2. [first date] HER: So do you prefer cats or dogs? ME: *scanning the menu* I don't even see them on here. What page are you on?
3. *firefighter wraps me in blanket after he rescues me* Um I just came out of a fire so I'm pretty hot actually.
4. It's stupid when girls say they can't find a guy, yet they ignore me. It's like saying you're hungry when there's a hot dog on the ground outside.
Flubs and word play
1. We'd just married and my husband was making his speech. He started by telling the guests he'd like to spank them all very much, then thanked his new mother in law for having sex. (Because that led to me being born!)
2. I drove into a petrol station and asked the young attendant to "fill up with 91FM please". When I came back from paying for it I asked him if I'd really said that & he confirmed I had, so we had a laugh at my expense!
3. My mother says every year she donates to Women's Refuse.
4. A suitcase is a 'drag bastard' or sometimes a 'wheel bastard', this is often also applied to other things with wheels. The wheelie bin is also a drag bastard - "I did it last week, it's your turn to put drag bastard/wheel bastard out".
5. The fireplace/heater is the pie warmer - "turn the pie warmer on, it's freezing in here".