"Looking for a new life partner?" reads this Trade Me Property ad on a Turangi house. "I'm a petite 1960s girl offering a very nice pair of bedrooms thank you very much. Being easy on the eye I can also offer plenty of space in the kitchen - so much so that we can do our laundry while we do our dishes. There's guaranteed entertainment in the refreshed open plan lounge/dining too but there's only really ever room for one in the updated combination bathroom. Outdoors there's fun to be had on the elevated and sunny section. I'll even let you park your toys in my single garage if you behave. Close to the river and everything outdoorsy. Although I'm a touch classy, I am certainly not an expensive first date (as you can see by the price tag), call now and let's check the chemistry between us!"
Brian has a little 125cc scooter which he uses to commute to work: "I've just had to renew its registration, and almost $400 of that was for ACC. I understand that bike accidents cost the country a lot, and therefore the premium should be high, but as the ACC levy was recently reworked to take into account the crashes by model of car, can someone explain why the levy on a scooter which can do 60km/h on a good day downhill is the same as for a bike capable of, and probably ridden at, 200m/h?"
English language confusion
1. A family friend was visiting whose mother had just passed away and she was having legal problems dealing with the "diseased" estate.
2. My sister and I would go out for coffee and she would ask for two "mokopunas" please.
3. Had a lovely meal with friends and was told we were having "Taranaki" chicken; Japanese food with a New Zealand twist!
4. My kids, all in primary school, have been known to call eyebrows "eye browns", the trampoline a "jumpoline" and athletics "runningretics". Sometimes I think their version is better.
5. I used to work at a bank in Wellington, and there was a customer who came in frequently to make deposits for a local business. After every deposit, he'd ask for a "recipe". For a while I thought he was trying to be funny, but no, he was serious.
6. My late grandmother (surname Eaddy) was always quite excited when the minister at our church would announce that a collection would be taken up for the "poor and needy". Don't recall seeing any of it however - guess it went where it was really needed.
A Louisville Democrat, has introduced a bill that would force men who want to use erectile dysfunction drugs to jump through a series of humiliating hoops beforehand, such as visiting a doctor twice and getting notes from their wives. And make a sworn statement with his hand on a Bible that he will only use a prescription for a drug for erectile dysfunction when having sexual relations with his current spouse. Seems fair enough.
Video: At the Western Australia Liberal party's campaign launch yesterday, "One More Time" by French electro pop duo Daft Punk came over the hi-fi and the most embarrassing display of bad middle-aged dancing began...
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