Don't drink and speech make

"I think I won worst best-man speech ever," writes Mike on Reddit. "I started with a joke... 'I think it's really cool to see [groom] with a girl for a change' - not one laugh, just crickets - derailed drunk me totally so I just said 'hot bridesmaids though' and left the stage. Groom loved it - his new wife, not so much. Her parents, aunts, uncles abused me the rest of the evening. Then, as we were leaving, I saw a guy stealing our car so ran over to kick his ass as my girlfriend screamed: 'He's the valet, you dickhead!' Longest drive home ever."

 A bridge too far in the high-end chip-o-sphere?
A bridge too far in the high-end chip-o-sphere?

Did he really say that?

"In August 1960, I was a recent graduate from the old Police College at Trentham and transferred to Hamilton," writes Bernie Urquhart of Tauranga. "One fine morning I was on the beat in Victoria St. I nodded to an elderly, well-dressed gent who seemed to be watching me. As I passed by he quietly said: 'Nice morning constable but watch out or I'll tickle your arse with a feather.' I stopped, shocked, 'What did you say?!' Without changing expression he said: 'Nice morning constable but watch out for a fast change in the weather'. I carried on non-plussed and breathing deeply."

Self-aware parking meter outside the Olympic Pools, Newmarket.
Self-aware parking meter outside the Olympic Pools, Newmarket.

Boldly going, bro

New Zealand is mentioned several times across the different series of Star Trek, declares a reader: "The Maori are mentioned during a time-travel episode with a character describing tattoos he used to have (no doubt Kirituhi as he is a Pakeha character). New Zealand's landscape is mentioned by characters who in their youth earned Scout badges in the bush, or who trekked across landmarks such as Mt Cook. Additionally, in Deep Space Nine, Wellington is mentioned multiple times as the site of the prestigious Pennington School."

Tweeted by @kiwipaula
Tweeted by @kiwipaula
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Map of European countries who have built walls to

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