Sideswipe
A daily look at life's oddities by Ana Samways

Sideswipe: September 7: Know how. Can cook.

5 comments
Peacemaker? Meth cook? Prolific urine producer? ... Oh, a DIY outlet.
Peacemaker? Meth cook? Prolific urine producer? ... Oh, a DIY outlet.

Apps reach the nadir

We now have apps to analyse the quality of one's tongue-kissing; alert you when your zip is inadvertently down; make a refrigerator also be a stereo and photo album; notify you when you need to drink more water; check the male-female ratio at local bars so, if you're on the prowl, you can plan your evening efficiently; and reveal whether your partner has had someone else in bed while you were away (via differential contours of the mattress). And then, last month, the creators of the new South Park virtual reality game announced that they had figured out how to release a "fart" smell that is crucial to game-players when they put on the VR mask. (Source: News of the Weird)

Nicknames that fit the bill

1. A droll Scottish co-worker named our boss "bluebottle"- something that buzzes around annoyingly and settles where you don't want it.

2. We named a UK co-worker "Half-a-job-Haskins" as he would always come up with the guts of a solution and leave it to someone else to implement properly. Eventually we shortened him to "Halfers" .

3. Production manager was called Fido, everything you chucked at him he would bring back.

4. One guy we worked with, long ago, in the IT industry was known as "Morphine". Somebody had found a dictionary definition of said opiate as "a slow working dope". That name stuck for quite some time.

Rosary owner sought

Photo / Supplied
Photo / Supplied

Catherine bought this leather satchel on Saturday from the Salvation Army shop in Dominion Rd and found this rosary tucked away in the front pocket. "It was in a green velvet bag with 'Jonathan Rhind' funeral director in faded writing on the front," she says. "It looks like someone's precious heirloom tucked away and forgotten about and I would like to return it if possible."

Bad pregnancy advice

1.Trampoline, until the water breaks.

2.Don't worry, a father won't really make a difference in your baby's life anyway.

3.Smoke, drink & go white water rafting. Do anything you want to do before you give birth. You won't have the time after.

4.Don't worry ... this will save your marriage.

5.Wait until your 50s so you can really get a career going first.

6.Enjoy your last days of freedom, you can sleep when the baby arrives.

(#BadPregnancyAdvice on Twitter)

Retro booze: What happened to wine coolers? That 80s summer wine-lite drink? According to winefolly.com the wine cooler was like a spritzer, a drink diluted with carbonated water to fill more glasses and feel more refreshing. In the '80s commercial wine coolers starting hitting the markets with zany flavours like apple, citrus and berry. These were all actual blends of (cheap, industrial) white wine, water and flavourings. But in 1991 US Congress massively increased the excise tax on wine (from $0.17 a US gallon to $1.07) which pretty much killed the product.


Video: From the director of the brilliant Best In Show and Waiting for Guffman, a new show in the same vein coming to Netflix on October 13 . Check out the trailer for Mascots...



Herald app users tap here for today's video.

Got a Sideswipe? Send your pictures, links and anecdotes to Ana at ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz

- NZ Herald

Get the news delivered straight to your inbox

Receive the day’s news, sport and entertainment in our daily email newsletter

SIGN UP NOW

Have your say

1200 characters left

By and large our readers' comments are respectful and courteous. We're sure you'll fit in well.
View commenting guidelines.

Sort by
  • Oldest

© Copyright 2016, NZME. Publishing Limited

Assembled by: (static) on production bpcf02 at 06 Dec 2016 00:54:46 Processing Time: 673ms