Polly Gillespie has revealed the real reason behind her marriage split to her ex-husband and on-air partner Grant Kereama, admitting: "I was drinking too much."
The pair revealed their split on-air last August, with Gillespie saying: "I moved out because there was a shift in me ... and I couldn't find my joy any more."
Both have moved on to new relationships, and remain on air together, fronting the weekday morning show on The Hits.
But in a wide-ranging column that takes up six pages in Woman's Day, Gillespie takes the blame for the split, saying several years of hard drinking damaged their marriage.
"I was not a good wife. I don't think it can ever be easy living with someone who is an addict. I was very hard work for a few years," she wrote.
"Grant put up with so much. He managed to find a way to keep our family together while desperately wanting me to stop drinking ... By the time I got sober four and a half years later, our relationship had changed."
She reveals she was ashamed of some of the things she did while she was drinking, and admits she can't remember some of the things that happened while under the influence.
Gillespie also says that while she's okay now, the split left her dealing with suicidal thoughts.
"I have had moments when I truly believed life would be easier 'over', and had I not thought about the terrible pain it would cause my children and my mother, who has already lost her only other child, I might just have done something silly."
Previously, Gillespie said she and Kereama planned to continue hosting their radio show together and they remained "the best of friends".
"We're happy, loving and the best of friends. We absolutely love working together - even after getting up at 3am for so many years (and there will be many more!).
"We are still so committed to our family and our listening family."
Where to get help:
• Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• Youth services: (06) 3555 906
• Youthline: 0800 376 633
• Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• Whatsup: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
• The Word
• Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7)
• Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
• CASPER Suicide Prevention
• Living Sober
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.