Married At First Sight: 'This isn't what I ordered'

By James Weir

9 comments

Married At First Sight quickly turned into Regret At First Sight, when one of the fellas laid eyes on his new wife for the first time and thought: "Nup".

In the second episode, we met the last of the singles to be matched and married by a team of psychologists. And while one couple were totally ready to rub up against each other in front of their nearest and dearest at the Botanic Gardens, one groom was regretting this life decision more than you regret wasting your time on that Bachelor of Arts degree.

First up, though, meet Xavier and Simone.

Xavier's a 26-year-old sales manager and ex-footballer. He thinks people judge him solely on the way he looks but honestly I just think he's being paranoid:

And I'm hurt at his accusations that by going on this show, we'd all just thirst after him and put his looks over his brain.

The experts decide 29-year-old Simone is the perfect girl to appreciate his throbbing brain. A make-up artist, Simone has only had one serious relationship, which ended after three-and-a-half years when her fella cheated on her.

"By the age of 29, I honestly thought I'd be with the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with," she says. While the whole cheating thing is a slap in the face, going on this show after only having had one relationship in your life is quite the panicked leap.

It's revealed Xavier's also been cheated on, so I guess that's a fun conversation starter.

Meeting the last two singles to be matched, we find out Nova's Ryan "Fitzy" Fitzgerald has thrown in his broadcast career and is now pursuing love under the persona of 28-year-old tradie Jono.

All his friends are getting married and, like most straight boys, he wants to do exactly what his mates are doing.

He says his ideal match would be small and brunette.

Meet Clare. She's blonde and about six foot. Congratulations Jono.

Clare describes herself as "bossy" and the experts say they could lock horns over particular issues. Clare's hair colour will probably be one of these issues.

In the lead up to her big day, Simone tells her family about her wacky decision to marry a stranger, and the only thing to take away from this scene is that her mum has weird Kris Jenner momager vibes.

Kris then goes to choose a dress with her daughter.

Contestants are given a diary cam to document their innermost thoughts about the wild ride they're about to embark on. The night before her wedding, Clare abuses her diary cam privileges by recording herself singing Journey's Don't Stop Believin'. She's now been stripped of her camcorder.

The following day at the church, Jono doesn't have a bouncy inspirational hit from the 80s in his head.

"I am freaking out right now. I am sh*tting myself. What am I doing? Ah, sh*t," he says.

As the ceremony begins, Clare enters and Jono looks down the back of the church.

"Ah, sh*t," he says.

"I know within the first few seconds if I like a person or if I don't," he adds.

"She's basically the opposite of what I expected to walk down the aisle. She's not what I ordered."

He starts reconsidering all his life choices. But, he pushes on with the ceremony.

While the attraction isn't immediate, Jono starts to change his mind about Clare during the reception when she pulls out her Vegas comedy jokes.

He says his nick name is "Big Jon" so she obviously has to reply with: "That's promising!" It takes him a second to get the willie joke but then he thinks it's hilarious.

While he's still unsure if he likes her, his mates tell him she's cool so then he decides he also thinks she's cool.

Over at Xavier and Simone's wedding, attraction isn't a problem and both of them are ready to jump each other.

"I think that she's the most beautiful girl I've ever met in my life," Xavier says.

Even Simone's momager approves and starts thinking of commercial opportunities to kickstart a family empire.

At the reception, Simone and Xavier go on to have one of the most annoying conversations you'll ever hear. They bond over their love of not drinking, getting up at 5am and doing #mealprep on Sundays.

This an excerpt of the conversation:

Simone: "I'm in such a routine. I'm big on that."

Xavier: "I'm in such a routine as well!"

Simone: "You're fully routine?!"

Xavier: "Hundred per cent! Like, I leave at the same time each day."

Simone: "Same! And I have to be really prepared about my food and stuff. Like, I prep meals on Sunday."

Xavier: "THAT'S MAD."

I hate to admit it, but these two will probably end up staying together well after this program wraps. They'll co-own a protein shop, have children, and spend the rest of their days photographing their #mealprep.

- news.com.au

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