Married at First Sight: The show so crazy it outdoes The Bachelor

By Rebecca Barry Hill

Dating's cheating. Here are five reasons why Married at First Sight is better than The Bachelor.
Married at First Sight's Christie and Mark.
Married at First Sight's Christie and Mark.

1. The ceremonies are real

A wedding where the bride and groom meet at the altar is such a pure moment of television, you almost wish all first dates were like this. In the first episode of the second season of the Aussie show, Christie, a picky 39-year-old DJ met Mark, a 36-year-old-farmer. Sparks didn't exactly fly but chunks nearly did as they got hitched on a boat, and Christie complained of "seasickness" (that old chestnut) as Mark awkwardly stroked her back. Meanwhile, Erin almost didn't make it up the aisle at all.

A scene from the TV show, Married At First Sight.
A scene from the TV show, Married At First Sight.

"I am utterly insane for doing this to myself," she said, swilling a champagne in the wedding car pre-union with Bryce. Approximately two minutes later, they were holding hands. Aw.

2. It has Australians in it

The girls on The Bachelor are all so boringly nice, nary a swear word sullies their glossy lips. Except Naz of course, whose hometown is Brisbane. On Married at First Sight we get the likes of the hilariously blunt Erin, who instructs the makeup artist to make her look "drag queen-esque". While trying on wedding dresses her equally sarcastic bridesmaids tell her she looks like she's wearing her insides. She agrees the corset resembles fallopian tubes.

A scene from the TV show, Married At First Sight.
A scene from the TV show, Married At First Sight.

At the wedding, Erin heaps praise on Bryce's family before describing a table of her guests as "our peroxide blonde, fake titty bimbo team". If only she tried out for that other reality series.

3. Deranged marriages are hot right now

Because Jordan doesn't like his harem to have too much fun, the girls are slowly discovering that putting a ring on it means a whole lot of sitting around doing sweet F-A. On Married at First Sight, there's none of that ninth wheel business or dull, getting-to-know-you fare.

A scene from the TV show, Married At First Sight.
A scene from the TV show, Married At First Sight.

"I'm getting married," Mark announced to his family and friends.

"Who is it?"

"I don't know. I have no idea who I'm getting married to."

Shrieks of disbelief.

"I hope she likes me."

Us too, mate. Us, too.

4. It's practically a documentary

"Agreeing to marry someone you've never met before places someone in a high state of anxiety. This is normal."

Cheers for the insight, although I'm pretty sure it's not normal to marry someone you don't know. This pearler came from one of the psychologists responsible for match-making the four instant couples, two of whom we'll meet next week.

A scene from the TV show, Married At First Sight.
A scene from the TV show, Married At First Sight.

How? By getting them to smell each other's unwashed shirts (ew), checking that their values align and by basically putting the sane ones with the nuts ones. .

"Often, couples have sex on the night of their wedding," intones one of the psychologists. "But for our couples ... the intimacy will have to be negotiated."

Bet you couldn't have come up with that, eh Puru?

5. It asks the hard questions

Regardless of who Jordan chooses, or whether or not he'll wear the stripey singlet again, the real question on Married at First Sight is will their union last? How will they make it work in the real world?

A scene from the TV show, Married At First Sight.
A scene from the TV show, Married At First Sight.

Or as Christie's dad mentioned he sized up her hubby-to-be, "Is he tall enough?" Such deep queries make it much easier to empathise, which, if I may refer to psychology again, is what one does when one watches TV.


Married at First Sight airs Thursdays, 8.30pm, TV3.

- TimeOut

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