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Paul Casserly: 'Like some free-range chook' - TV's best quotes

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Paul Casserly reveals TV's top 10 quotes for January.

Host Tina Fey at the Golden Globes, Matthew McConaughey in True Detective and US President Barack Obama. Photos / AP
Host Tina Fey at the Golden Globes, Matthew McConaughey in True Detective and US President Barack Obama. Photos / AP

January has come and gone like your lost youth. It started well but soon crumbled into a familiar litany of sunburn and broken dreams. You're still fat, smoking like a chimney and starting to agree with the pessimistic rants of Matthew McConaughey on True Detective.

Or is that just me? On the up side, Black Doris plums are back, and the Black Caps have been on fire. And there's been some rather good TV thanks to Hannibal, Girls and the 'Irish Wire' Love/Hate.

To test if you're been paying attention here's a selection of some of the months choice quips. Can you guess who said them?

1. "And now, like a supermodel's vagina, let's all give a warm welcome to Leonardo Di Caprio."

2. "I don't have the constitution for suicide."

3. "It's time to do away with workplace policies that belong in a Mad Men episode"

4. "I'm probably happier that most able-bodied people."

5. "I stupidly tried to get something for nothing and any time that you try to get something for nothing you gonna suffer, one way or another."

6. "I'm not an expert on that. I might not have tested it as thoroughly as he has."

7. "Do you think he's pissing his pants because he's happy?"

8. "You said you wouldn't take a job where you can't openly smoke a joint."

9. "Like some free-range chook, floating around doing as he pleases."

10. "So far it's been all Breaking Bad."


The Answers:

1. "And now, like a supermodel's vagina, let's all give a warm welcome to Leonardo Di Caprio."
That was how the brilliant Tina Fey introduced actor/party animal Leonardo Di Caprio at The Golden Globes.

2. "I don't have the constitution for suicide."
This was said by the cop played by Matthew McConaughey in True Detective, (Soho) during one of his many awesome nihilistic riffs. As The New Yorker put it, "there's no denying the McConaissance."

2. "It's time to do away with workplace policies that belong in a Mad Men episode"
No not Metiria Turei or Helen Kelly, this was Barack Obama's most tweeted line from his State Of The Union Speech.

4) "I'm probably happier that most able-bodied people."
Nick Chisholm the brother of Seven Sharp's Matt Chisholm who has Locked-in syndrome after suffering a stroke on a footy field. Nick can't walk or talk and communicates through a letter board. In this latest update of his moving story we are taken to Nick's wedding day at Larnach Castle in Dunedin. Jesse Mulligan then posed this question to Matt at the end of the item. "If your brother can find love, with all the obstacles that he's had, what are you doing wrong?"

5. "I stupidly tried to get something for nothing and any time that you try to get something for nothing you gonna suffer, one way or another."
Legendary Chicago Pimp, Iceberg Slim, on the eye-opening Rialto documentary Iceberg Slim: Portrait of a Pimp. Snoop Dogg said of Slim "He wrote the books that I grew up on."

6. "I'm not an expert on that. I might not have tested it as thoroughly as he has."
This was said by David Cunliffe after being asked by TV3's Tova O'Brien to respond to Obama's comment that marijuana was "less dangerous than alcohol." Take that leader of the free world you POTHEAD!

7. "Do you think he's pissing his pants because he's happy?"
Criminal kingpin Nidge is less than impressed with his son's teacher on the brilliant Love/Hate, the drama dubbed "The Irish Wire". (Rialto)

8. "You said you wouldn't take a job where you can't openly smoke a joint."
Nothing to do with Obama, Cunliffe or Snoop Dogg, rather this was said to DJ Davis (Steve Zahn) on Treme, as he contemplated becoming a corporate man. As if.

9. "Like some free-range chook, floating around doing as he pleases."
Len Brown was being described by professional pain in the arse, and Auckland Councillor, Penny Bright, while dressed as Witchy Poo and acting in a decidedly free-range manner, outside the Auckland District Court.

10. "So far it's been all Breaking Bad."
Veteran British journo Matt Frei in Kiev in an incredible piece on the dramatic Ukrainian protests. The BB reference was over shots of a man breaking paving stones to use as projectiles. To be honest, the scene was so grim it made Breaking Bad look like Woolly Valley.

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