Clooney digs, DiCaprio jibes - the Globes' best jokes

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler host the 71st annual Golden Globe Awards at the Beverly Hilton Hotel. Photo/AP
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler host the 71st annual Golden Globe Awards at the Beverly Hilton Hotel. Photo/AP

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler kept the wisecracks flowing almost as fast as the champagne at the 71st Golden Globe Awards yesterday.

Known for their hosting slot on US variety show Saturday Night Live, the comic duo were well-received by the audience and praised for their quick wit and quality gags.

Fearless in the face of possible controversy, Fey opened with: "Good evening to everyone in the audience and to all the women and gay men watching at home."

Aware of the length of the ceremony, Fey and Poehler had devised a Golden Globes drinking game last year for TV viewers to play along with at home.

The pair updated the rules for 2014, telling The Hollywood Reporter: "Any time you see a gown with sleeves, you're going to drink, any time they cut to Tom Hanks for a reaction shot, do five push-ups, and if Bryan Cranston speaks, everybody has to do a little bit of meth."

Those collecting gongs failed to rival their hosts' clever humour, but Jim Carrey cracked some smiles with his reference to Shia LaBeouf's plagiarism-inspired meltdown on Twitter. "Dying is easy, comedy is hard. I believe it was Shia LaBeouf who said that," he quipped.

Jared Leto assured his fans that no prosthetics were used in Dallas Buyers Club while accepting his Best Supporting Actor award. "That tiny little Brazilian bubble butt was all mine," he said.

Other stars admitted to stage fright, with American Hustle's Jennifer Lawrence describing accepting her Best Supporting Actress award as "so scary".

Poehler's hosting efforts were rewarded when she won the Golden Globe for Best Actress in a TV Comedy, for her performance in Parks and Recreation.

Fey and Poehler have already been booked to host the 2015 Golden Globe Awards. "This is Hollywood, and if something kind of works they'll just keep doing it until everybody hates it," the popular double act joked.

Fey and Poehler's top 10 funnies:

1. "We're going to get this done in three hours - or as Martin Scorsese calls it, act one." (Tina Fey)

2. "Gravity is nominated for Best Film. It's the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age". (Tina Fey)

3. "Masters of Sex is the degree I got from Boston College." (Amy Poehler)

4. "Matt Damon is here for Behind the Candelabra. Matt, on any other night in another room, you would be a big deal. But tonight, and don't take this the wrong way, you're basically a garbage person." (Amy Poehler)

5. "Now, like a supermodel's vagina, let's give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio." (Tina Fey)

6. "A lot of nominated shows this year are actually on Netflix: House of Cards, Orange is the New Black. Enjoy it while it lasts Netflix, because you're not going to feel so smug in a couple of years when Snapchat is up here accepting best drama." (Amy Poehler)

7. "Congratulations to all the wonderful actors nominated tonight, from the amazing Chiwetel Ejiofor to the stunning Lupita Nyong'o to American treasure Tam Honks. Dammit, I knew I was going to screw that up." (Amy Poehler)

8. "The Wolf of Wall Street is another nominee tonight. I really loved the film, but some of it was too graphic. I mean, if I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party, I'd go to one of Jonah Hill's pool parties." (Amy Poehler)

9. "For (Matthew McConaughey's) role in Dallas Buyers Club he lost 45 pounds. Or what actresses call, being in a movie." (Tina Fey)

10. "Before earning a Golden Globe nomination for his first ever acting role in Captain Phillips, Barkad Abdi was working as a limousine driver in Minnesota. There's such a beautiful life lesson here, everyone: Sleep with your limo driver tonight, before he gets famous." (Amy Poehler)

- Independent

© Copyright 2014, APN New Zealand Limited

Assembled by: (static) on red akl_a2 at 21 Aug 2014 10:14:32 Processing Time: 801ms