Bitchin' Channels
A blog about television and radio with Paul Casserly

Who will play Kim Dotcom in the made-for-TV movie? (+photos)

Kim Dotcom lives an extravagant life. But who will play him in the made-for-TV movie? Photo / Supplied
Kim Dotcom lives an extravagant life. But who will play him in the made-for-TV movie? Photo / Supplied

My sources tell me meetings are already underway as production companies scramble to be the first to spin the sensation that's been gripping the nation into television gold.

Kim Dotcom is a plus-sized Underbelly just waiting to happen, or a tech-flavoured Darklands perhaps.

Either way they'll need the right person to play Kim. Even factual shows will need someone to re-enact the plethora of awesome scenes that Kim has already provided for the screenwriters.

See Kim driving at 250 km/h in his Mercedes. Check out Kim in the spa pool with his clothes on, touching a lady's breast or on the couch becoming No. 1 at Call Of Duty (actually he's since lost his crown).

There he is lounging in his private jet or standing in the ocean in ill-advised three-quarter pants pointing at a woman in a bikini.

What's not to like? The cars, the girls, the panic room! This guy is living the life I dreamed of having when I was 14. Actually, I still do.

For the opening scene I see helicopters landing at the atrocity formerly known as the Chrisco's mansion.

I see this opening scene like something out of Black Hawk Down but the pilots would have broad Kiwi accents and they'd use code like "going in to puck up the fush and chups.


Inside, Kim has woken early and is having a snack. He's been rifling through some old Chrisco's hampers he found in the panic room and is inspecting the best-by date on the ham. It says 2009.

Meanwhile, Police Commisioner Mark Hadlow is directing the operation from Police HQ. He's competent but still 'small towny' enough to provide a foil to the no nonsense FBI guy.

Kirk Torrance would most certainly be the pilot. He could even keep the Brian Tamaki glasses from Sione's Wedding 2.

If it's a budget kiwi production then John Dyvbig can count on getting the gig as the guy from the FBI.

John Banks would have to play himself. That kind of undertaking would kill a method actor.

But here's a question for you. Who should play Kim?

Of course the ending is still being written. If he gets off, then it could be Kim playing himself in a movie of his own making but it won't be made here. I doubt he'll be hanging around FBI-friendly countries like New Zealand for too long.

I do quite like the idea of David Fane in 'white-face' but I fear that we will need to look off-shore to find the ideal candidate. Like we did when we were casting for someone to play David Lange.

Here's my pick: Gyton Grantley was absolutely brilliant on Underbelly and still has enough of the baby face to pull it off.

Other suggestions?

- Herald online

Get the news delivered straight to your inbox

Receive the day’s news, sport and entertainment in our daily email newsletter


Have your say

1200 characters left

By and large our readers' comments are respectful and courteous. We're sure you'll fit in well.
View commenting guidelines.

Sort by
  • Oldest

© Copyright 2017, NZME. Publishing Limited

Assembled by: (static) on production bpcf05 at 25 Jan 2017 03:09:16 Processing Time: 423ms