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Paul Casserly: A fistful of awesome

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Actor Clint Eastwood addresses the Republican National Convention. Photo / AP
Actor Clint Eastwood addresses the Republican National Convention. Photo / AP

Clint Eastwood ended the month with one of the most awesome moments of car-crash TV in living memory, but August also bought us some other quotable high/low-lights, collected here for you're consideration. Guess who said them. Go on.

1: "Wow, look at this little fat fellow with the afro."

2: "You don't often see a Chinese in a sprint."

3: "Fecal buildup on your undergarments - you might call it skid-marks - is a real problem."

4: "Technically they're bazooms and not breasts, you can look it up in the great book of tits."

5: "God is c**ksucker."

6: "Do I look like Robin?"

7: "Ah, the dance of the lost wallet."

8 "I'd much rather have my reputation than yours."

9: "We're not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact-checkers."

10: "This is the most fun I've had with an old man since Dick Cheney non-fatally shot one."

Answers:

1: "Wow, look at this little fat fellow with the afro."

Entertainer Dennis Marsh recalls the first time he saw one-hit-wonder Deane Waretini on Maori TV's wonderfully kooky comedy, Deane Waretine - Now is the Hour (Fridays, 10pm). Another fan says, "Quite honestly I think half the country thinks he's dead."

But Waretini is alive and making a comeback, with a little help from Orlando Stewart, the man previously behind Wayne Anderson - Singer of Songs.

2: "You don't often see a Chinese in a sprint."

Another 'golden moment' from Sky TV's athletics commentary at the Olympic Games.

3: "Fecal buildup on your undergarments - you might call it skid-marks - is a real problem."

An actual 'golden moment' from Leigh Hart's insane games comedy Olympico which also featured one of the best theme songs in New Zealand television history.

4: "Technically they're bazooms and not breasts, you can look it up in the great book of tits."

A typically delightful line from Tamsin Greig on Episodes.

5: "God is c**ksucker."

The lovely elderly Greek granddad on Aussie drama The Slap, in a particularly moving episode of the impressive series that actually treated our elders like real people with real feelings, desires, regrets and blow-jobs.

6: "Do I look like Robin?"

Asked the character in a Robin (as in Batman and) costume on Mrs Brown's Boys, to which the foul mouthed Mrs B replied, "No you look like a thrush. You look like an irritated C**t."

7: "Ah, the dance of the lost wallet."

That's from that ASB advert with the jokers at the pie-cart. I can't help but think they're really refereeing to the "Aussie Haka" but for some reason can't bring themselves to say it. Political correctness or maybe a fear people will think it's this type of Aussie Haka?

8: "I'd much rather have my reputation than yours."

Act politician John Boscawen trying to slap down Winston Peters on Q&A over the asset sales, inevitably allowing Winnie to open the door marked "You don't have a reputation" followed by the final push down the stairs, "That from a party slipping into oblivion."

9: "We're not going to let our campaign be dictated to by fact-checkers."

Said Neil Newhouse, from the Romney campaign following the televisual spectacular that was The Republican National Convention. The New York Times reports that blatant lies are rife in the current battle for the White House, and the while Democrats are at it too, the Republicans are the kings of porkies, with Paul Ryan even bizarrely fibbing about how fast he runs.

10: "This is the most joy I've gotten from an old man since Dick Cheney non-fatally shot one in the face."

Jon Stewart was predictably beside himself with glee thanks to Clint Eastwood's "Fistful of awesome" performance at the RNC. It has to rate as one of the most enjoyable political speeches of all time, especially when Clint had invisible Obama tell Romney to go f**k himself.

Comedian Albert Brookes had a great tweet on the matter: "TMZ reporting the monkey from Every Which Way But Loose is trying to distance himself."

And then there's this from @MoRocca

"Wow, Clint Eastwood laid one Gran Turdito on stage last night."

-nzherald.co.nz

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