Scott Kara: Just call me Coach Potato

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What am I going to tell my boss when I sleep in after staying up to watch the synchronised swimming... I mean cycling? Photo / Thinkstock
What am I going to tell my boss when I sleep in after staying up to watch the synchronised swimming... I mean cycling? Photo / Thinkstock

Don't know about you, but I've been in training for the Olympics for months. Strictly armchair training, of course, to get those sport-watching eyes and that couch potato body in top-notch form for the many late nights ahead.

I eased into it with the start of the Super 15 season, watching the occasional game in full. But more important was watching games on fast forward, honing my speed and agility skills on the MySky remote control to enable me to freeze frame and rewind back to the best bits of the rugby action.

Believe me, this will come in very useful when the 17-day Olympic coverage starts on July 28 with must-see action like the fencing finals and the all-important beach volleyball preliminaries.

The rugby was also good for ensuring I keep my liquids up at regular intervals because there is nothing worse than waking up on the couch in the middle of the night with the dry horrors.

Next on the training hit list was the State of Origin, which, as well as being great practice for supporting a team you don't really care about (because, you know, it's doubtful a Kiwi team will make the finals of beach volleyball competition), it was ideal for building up a level of ferocity and mongrel that you can't get from rugby.

Because let's face it, mongrel is what you need if you're going to will a big, hairy Ukranian weightlifter to clean and jerk a barbell with a neck-buckling weight on either end of it above his head.

And speaking of neck muscles, mine are in fine, limber shape after watching to the to-ing and fro-ing over the net at Wimbledon.

But now, with the Olympics drawing closer, it's lucky the second lot of mountain stages are about to take place in the Tour de France this week because it's time for some stay up all night endurance training. (Even though I think you're meant to do your endurance training first. Oh well.)

Yes, Le Tour has a bad name for being a giant drug store on wheels, but there are many reasons it is my favourite sporting event to watch on telly (apart from an All Blacks test against the Aussies or the Springboks). The up-close and in-your-face coverage is fantastic, as is the scenery and the many crazies who line the route on every stage.

I always pick a few stages every year to watch in their entirety in the middle of the night and it's the ride from Pau to Bagneres-de-Luchon in the Pyrenees (Stage 16), which includes the brutal ascents of the Col d'Aubisque and the Col du Tourmalet, where I will be doing my final preparation in the build-up for the Olympics.

And just as an aside, and this is a bold, and most likely ridiculous statement to make, but I don't think any of the leaders of Le Tour will fail a drug test. Because how can such a nice man like Australian Cadel Evans, and that unassuming and slightly dorky looking British chap Bradley Wiggins, who both look so ungainly on a bike yet ride like the wind, be on drugs? I won't hear of it.

One major sporting event I didn't watch recently was the Euro 2012 football. Though I wished I had, because those in the TimeOut offices who did tune in sure got good at coming up with excuses for being late to work.

I was never very good at coming up with explanations as to why I was late for school, let alone for work, so what am I going to tell my boss when I sleep in after staying up all night to watch the synchronised swimming ... I mean, the cycling at the velodrome?

So any teacher's note suggestions are most welcome - and in return I'm quite happy to share my training tips for TV sport watching.

-TimeOut

- NZ Herald

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