Bitchin' Channels

A blog about television and radio with Paul Casserly

Paul Casserly: TV's best quotes of the week

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Wannabe rapper Nate from The GC. Photo / Supplied
Wannabe rapper Nate from The GC. Photo / Supplied

It's time for a pop TV quiz, hotshots. Can you name the people who uttered these memorable lines on TV in the past few weeks?

1. "Again, I'm not someone who's a bird expert."

2. "Thanks for cutting your mullet."

3. "Before finishing. On her panties."

4. "Have you ever had sex up against a tree?"

5. "Coming up, some real news."

6. "The greatest city that ever was or ever will be."

7. "I don't know what it is about me, but girls never ask me to use condoms."

8. "I'll do good, I know I'll do good, I'll rip it up."

If you got them all right you're clearly watching too much TV. If you got none, you're not watching enough.

Here are the answers:

1. "Again, I'm not someone who's a bird expert," said Rachel Hunter on the reliably entertaining Intrepid Journeys (8.30pm, Tuesday, TV One) shortly after paying $50 to free a caged eagle in what may have been a tourist fleecing scam. Naturally upon release the usually indoor-eagle was attacked by wild eagles. Rachel had already explained that she believed that all animals should be free but within minutes was violently squashing leeches and asking for bug spray. Somehow by the end of the show and despite the requisite celebrity whining - which is why we watch after all - she won us over.

2. "Thanks for cutting your mullet" was Sarah Palin's reply to Bristol Palin's then boyfriend Levi, who had just said, "Thanks for inviting me" to the Republican National Convention, in the rather good film Game Change which has been repeating on Soho.

3. "Before finishing. On her panties" of course came from Carly Kirkwood on that episode of Target. (7.30pm, Tuesday, TV3). Sorry that should be Carly Flynn, though I still call the Stamford Plaza the Regent and Hilary Barry 'Hilary Pankhurst'.

4. "Have you ever had sex against a tree?" Those words came from the mouth of Act Party backer, and one-man PR disaster, Louis Crimp to Jane Luscombe on Campbell Live. 3News's @AliIkram tweeted the perfect follow up question: "What about a root?"

5. "Coming up, some real news." Simon Dallow, who seemed to be dying on the inside just a little after a story about Justin Bieber's hairstyles on One News.

6. "The greatest city that ever was or ever will be." Auckland Mayor Len Brown describing the City of Sails following news that they will be completing the cycleway under the bridge as well as tearing down all the ugly apartment buildings, and removing weekend parking charges. Just jokes, it was of course Xaro Xhoan Daxos from Game of Thrones and is the description for that city of weirdos, Qarth. As city branding it sure beats Hamilton's "More than you'd expect".

7. "I don't know what it is about me but girls never ask me to use condoms." Adam, Hannah's weirdo, tape-worm of a boyfriend on the brilliantly refreshing new HBO comedy Girls. (Soho, 8.30pm, Thursday)

8. "I'll do good, I know I'll do good, I'll rip it up." Nate, the world-class narcissist and wannabe rapper on The GC (TV3, Wednesday, 8pm) before his studio audition with hip-hop producer Brother D. He didn't do so good. Mind you, he has inspired this comedian.

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