Forty-nine dedicated channels give a sports fan plenty of options.
Maybe half are dedicated to All-American staples: baseball, basketball and American football, men's and women's, college and pro.
If the Tour de France riders have left the Pyrenees, the Croatian Tennis Open is thwarted by rain and the PGA Golf Channel still insists upon broadcasting people playing golf, with 49 channels there are numerous other distractions to keep the fan from the outside world.
With my cable TV plan, I can watch a man stalk a deer. I can tune in to the munters at the Australian Drifting Champs or watch a 62-year-old woman doing handstand press-ups in the masters' section of the Crossfit Games.
If I'm homesick, I can even tune in to the capital: a replay of the Wellington Phoenix beating West Ham, with Spanish commentary.
But even with 49 sports channels, I can't watch the Commonwealth Games.
Just for fun, I asked my neighbour if he'd be following the action in Glasgow. He's a Knickerbocker New Yorker, Yankees-till-he-dies, who doesn't leave his lounge every Sunday of the NFL football season.
"What is that?!" he asked. He wasn't familiar with the Commonwealth, let alone the competition. "The games are like the Olympics." I said.
"But with fewer sports. And no Russian, American or Chinese teams to win all the medals."
"No Americans?" he reviled. "What's the point?"
Fortunately, my indoor football team had heard of the Glasgow Games, although only because of a satirical spiel by a British comic on late-night TV.
John Oliver advised his US audience to, "imagine a track meet dominated by strangers from Wales, and you have the Commonwealth Games".
Having been to Delhi four years ago, I know it only takes a few golds and a few haka before we all embrace the competition.
And if my neighbour gives me grief for tuning in online, I'll remind him at least the Commonwealth Games don't pretend they're something they're not.
The 'World Series?' Pfft. Come on, man.