Blonde at the Bar
Our resident blonde Joanna Hunkin on dating and the social scene

Bridal Porn


It is official. Flicker has lost the plot.
She and the Architect invited me to their "love nest" for dinner the other night, where I was subjected to an hour of bridal porn.
"Bridal what?" I hear you ask.
Bridal porn. Thick, glossy magazines featuring all things wedding, stored secretly under the bed away from prying eyes.
In the same way teenage boys have a secret porn stash, Flicker has accumulated a two-foot hight pile of bridal magazines, covered in flag-it notes highlighting her favourite dresses, cakes, hair styles and rings.
I am not exaggerating in the slightest. The flag-it notes are colour coded - purple for dresses, blue for reception ideas, little pink post-its are flowers, big pink post-its are rings and yellow is for stationery and bomboniere.
Bomboniere, Flicker authoratively enlightened me, are those little gifts you get at weddings - sugared almonds or personalised chocolates.
This behaviour would be a little disturbing if Flicker was getting married, but not completely unexpected.
However, given the couple is not even engaged it is Grade-A crazy town.
She first told me about her bridal porn some time ago, and I thought it was quite an amusing joke. Nothing like taking a bridal magazine home to freak your boyfriend out.
But when I saw the full collection, I realised the problem was far more serious.
I think it may be an addiction.
Is that possible?
She actually said last night - and I quote verbatim - "Sometimes I lie awake at night stressing over the colour palette".

On the one hand, while I find her behaviour disturbing and scary, I am also secretly quite pleased.
Compared to this carry-on, nothing I say or do can ever be considered neurotic or mad. Which is never a bad thing.
Oh, and before anyone starts feeling sorry for the Architect, I should point out it was in fact HE who purchased the first bridal magazine for her, thus unleashing the beast.
He has but himself to blame. Silly man.

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