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A blog about television and radio with Paul Casserly

Paul Casserly: Spoiler alert

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Warning the following contains traces of peanuts and spoiler alerts.

Ned Stark (Sean Bean) in  Game Of Thrones .
Ned Stark (Sean Bean) in Game Of Thrones .

It's hard to avoid spoiling things these days. Just the other night I created in the face of my friends that disappointed child-like look, reminiscent of when you broke a siblings favourite toy in front of their face.

Spoiler alert: If you haven't seen all of series one of Game Of Thrones stop now.

We were talking about the love of the Lannisters and the Starks and Imps. "Have you seen all of series one?" I asked.

"Yes, just finished it," they answered - an invitation for dissection of the show to a TV bore like me, ending with the words, "I wasn't expecting Sean Bean (Ned Stark) to die."

That's when the sadness and confusion filled their eyes; they hadn't seen it coming either because they hadn't seen it.

Having downloaded what was labelled as the 'entire series' via a torrent they had - unknown to them - seen up to the last episode. But Ned Stark was only in jail when they thought the series ended.

The illegal download had backfired. A nice moment for those of us who constantly funnel cash into Sky's coffers. Still, I felt slightly bad, but it was an unintentional slip.

I've seen intense rage when others have done this sort of thing on purpose. I have a friend who took great delight in returning from the U.K. to blurt out plot developments on Coronation Street to local fans, (He dies! She's a Lesbian! etc) who screamed with rage.

We're over a year behind the U.K. so this is an ongoing problem. Especially if you follow the show and visit U.K. sites or read OK type magazines.

Some other friends very nearly came to blows when one 'spoiled' the end of the Sopranos, a low-blow that to loyal fans of the show is akin to an underarm bowl to the testes.

But some people like to find out. They search the web. They love the anticipation of seeing what they already know unfold. For those 'happy to be spoiled' here's some inside information (ie; spoilers) for some upcoming shows.

Close Up (TV1, 7pm weekdays).

Spoiler alert: At the end of the series Mark Sainsbury will resign after turning up late to the show and going on air without wearing any trousers or even a thong.

Mike Hosking is called in to replace him mid-show but is found too late. Turns out he's been locked in a car in the casino car-park while his wife and children are upstairs playing pokies.

Hosking is later asked about the incident but is not allowed to comment on it as it involves Sky City, claiming that he is unable to comment on anything while within sight of the Sky Tower.

TV3 leads their news with the story for ten weeks following the incident but the only dirt they can dig up is that Hosking was left in the car with only a bag of chips and box of matches to play with.

Sainsbury is later re-instated when it turns out that it was 'all just a dream', forcing TV3 into an awkward position. Head of TV3 News Mark Jennings: "Dream or no dream, the idea of Sainsbury with his pants off is a public disgrace."

Meanwhile John Campbell spends two weeks in the burns unit following an item in which he locked himself in the Sky City car park with only a pack of chips and a box of matches to play with.

Coronation Street (TV1, Thursday, Friday, 7.30pm)

Spoiler alert: A record number of viewers will tune in to see the wing-backed chair in the taxi office get re-upholstered. Ken comes out as a lesbian forcing Gale's daughter Sofie to 'go back in'.

The GC (TV3)

Spoiler alert: Halfway through the series the Maori party sells off the last remaining Maraes to a Chinese consortium following the mass exodus of all Tangata Whenua (except Tariana, Pita, Flavell and the Tamaki Brothers) to the Gold Coast for a better life and better abs.

The Food Truck (TV1, Sundays 7pm)

Spoiler alert: Despite exceptional ratings the show is suspended after Michael Van de Elzen serves a Huhu grub rissole with traces of peanut, causing a man to fall into a coma.

Tragically it turns out he has permanently lost the power of speech. However the show is reinstated and its funding doubled when it's revealed that the man with the permanent disability is Michael Laws.

-nzherald.co.nz


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