When it comes to getting on the gravy train I'm like Nigel Owens at Twickenham; utterly hopeless. It seems every second person I talk to manages to secure wonderful travel opportunities paid for by others and yet I flounder at the bottom of the pile, totally clueless and out of the loop.
Through working in the world of agricultural and sporting media, my eyes have been opened and I've seen some masters of the junket at work.
I don't begrudge any man, woman or child a seat on the gravy train, it's just that I'm so rubbish at climbing on board. My industry is made for it, yet I'm appallingly inadequate.
So, after reading that Primary Industries Minister Nathan Guy has recently met the Indian Agricultural Minister, Radha Mohan Singh, in New Delhi and free trade talks with India are back on, I've resolved to get a piece of the action.
India fascinates me - they control my favourite sport, cricket and estimates put the growth of their middle class at a quicker pace than China's. So it is now my mission to jump aboard the gravy train as it starts to make its way to India.
The Alliance Group launched its Pure South lamb in India a year ago and say the potential of the Indian market can't be underestimated.
So it's all set - meat plus cricket equals India and I sniff an opportunity. I now have to suck up to the appropriate people to book a seat on the train and will shamelessly sell my soul to do so.
Now, on to some feedback. Deidre Barnett from Rotorua took aim at my views on fireworks. Good on you, Deidre, always love feedback but I feel compelled to correct you on one or two points. She wrote: "Dominic, being a supposed radio personality, should confine his right to comment only to his 6-8am week day on Radio Sport, as his article showed considerable lack of judgment and respect."
Deidre, firstly, I was asked to write this column so confining my right to comment to the wireless may prove problematic. I'm not sure about the personality bit either; I have one but its worth is negligible. Also, my show runs from 5-6am Tuesday to Saturday, and I'm sure the Crowd Goes Wild men wouldn't appreciate me crashing over the top of their show - I'll ask though. As for lack of judgment and respect, that's subjective and I dare say our moral compasses may be misaligned.
Finally, I've left the best line till last, "Dominic's attitude to his rights re fireworks displays an arrogance, lack of public conscience and an infantile mentality." Pretty much hit the nail on the head there, Deidre. Now I await my invitations to India.