It's amazing how one reality TV show can create such self-doubt, self-hate, guilt and judgment. And that's just among the viewers.

Want to cause an argument among a group of people? Just mention you watch The Bachelor.

Twenty or so women jostling and preening for a man they hardly know is, on the face of it, demeaning, cringeworthy and does little for feminism.

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We hear today from Papamoa's Lara Christie who this week failed to receive a rose from bachelor Jordan Mauger. For the uninitiated that means she was "kicked off" the show and is no longer in the running to win the show/Mauger's heart - whichever the ultimate purpose is.

It's also been revealed ratings for the show hit an all-time low this week with just 223,000 Kiwis tuning in on Tuesday. That's a big drop from the 345,000 who watched four weeks ago.

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The self-hate (though hate may be too strong a word) as a viewer comes from intellectually knowing the premise of the show is hideous.

While in other countries there have been The Bachelorette versions where it's men vying for the attention of one woman, not so here (yet).

A few have already left of their own accord upon deciding Mauger wasn't what they wanted. Most have showed respect for the other women and conducted themselves with dignity.

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Twenty or so women jostling and preening for a man they hardly know is, on the face of it, demeaning, cringeworthy and does little for feminism.

Yet I still watch. And I know plenty of other women who do too.

I am not particularly proud of it, but neither will I apologise for it.

Many of the women on this year's show, including Ms Christie, appear smart, independent, successful.

A few have already left of their own accord upon deciding Mauger wasn't what they wanted. Most have showed respect for the other women and conducted themselves with dignity.

Therein lies the internal grapple. If they are exercising a choice to take part, who are we to judge them?

It is after all an adventure, a chance to meet new people and have new experiences (and for one contestant who had never left the North Island, the trip to Hawaii would surely be a life highlight).

If they meet the man of their dreams along the way kudos to them for going after what they want.

Perhaps the show is not as anti-feminist as the premise suggests. Or maybe it is.

It's an internal argument I suspect I may never fully resolve.