THE world has a new epidemic. Worse than Aids, swine or bird flu, or even Ebola, Fearbola is sweeping the globe, say the jokers.
"It is easy to catch ... just five minutes of exposure to Fox News or CNN and you might have Fearbola ... a hearborne virus, all you have to do to catch it is hear about it."
This segment on US comedian Seth Meyers' show went viral and for a short while people laughed at their own irrational fears.
And then became paranoid again.
Despite the fact that there have only been two cases of Ebola in the US, compared with nearly 4983 cases (and more than 4484 deaths) in West Africa, two-thirds of Americans are concerned about a widespread Ebola epidemic, according to a poll by The Washington Post.
More than one-third polled are worried that they or immediate family members might catch the virus.
This is - as the Post points out - despite the fact that Ebola can be transmitted only through contact with bodily fluids and only after the onset of symptoms, and is "despite repeated assurances from public officials that the country's modern health-care and disease-surveillance systems will prevent the type of outbreak ravaging West Africa."
The paranoia around Ebola is reminiscent of the SARS outbreak in 2003. It was the year I immigrated to New Zealand and I recall at various airport stopovers the sight of travellers with face masks. Then again in 2006 when bird flu had some people - myself included - buying up Tamiflu at great expense from pharmacies.
Not that Ebola is something to be dismissed, and it is certainly no joke in West Africa where the World Health Organisation warned this week West Africa could see up to 10,000 new cases a week within two months, while the death rate has already leapt from 50 to 70 per cent of those infected.
But here in New Zealand the risk from Ebola remains low according to the Ministry of Health. Director of Public Health Dr Darren Hunt has described the disease as "not easy to catch", with infection requiring direct contact with infected body fluids such as blood or heavily contaminated objects.
And Prime Minister John Key said this week during his visit to Tauranga that Kiwis shouldn't feel "overly worried".
Here in the Bay we don't seem overly worried. I haven't come across anyone stocking up on masks and tin cans. Amy McGillivray reported this month that although Bay of Plenty medical professionals were being briefed regularly on Ebola, if someone with Ebola-like symptoms did present locally they would be shipped off rapidly to Auckland where they would be treated in Middlemore hospital.
While the world grapples with Ebola risk, New Zealand is contending with its own mysterious bug dubbed "the carrot and lettuce bug", this being more catchy than yersinia pseudotuberculosis.
The Ministry for Primary Industries released reports this week showing a proportion of people suffering a painful food poisoning illness were exposed to lettuce and carrots - including 13 in the Bay.
The report said the magnitude of disease in people who ate carrots and lettuce was greater than in those who ate only lettuce. How ironic that bagged veges, part of our current taste for everything convenient and sanitised, have caused a bug, proving that whether you dig your carrots straight from the garden or from the supermarket trolley, you still should do something very simple before eating them: wash them.
The good news for salad lovers is that there have been no new confirmed cases of the poisoning since September, meaning that there is little chance of an Ebola-like outbreak.
Not that we seem overly worried about that either. Here in the Bay, Mounties are more concerned about bird poo than bird flu. Bay of Plenty Times Weekend writer Juliet Rowan reports today that Mount Maunganui's cafes are being overrun by pesky sparrows who leave "little presents" on the cafe furniture.
A sparrow virus is unlikely. Bay of Plenty medical officer of health Dr Neil de Wet told us that while birds can carry bacteria such as salmonella and campylobacter, he is not aware of anyone contracting those illnesses from sparrows.
The Mount sparrows seem a more upper-class sparrow than your average campylobacter-ridden inner-city bird. Our Bay birds have a fondness for raw sugar and the sweet goodies that come with a latte.
They are obviously not on the no-sugar, clean-eating Paleo diet that the rest of the Mount seems to be on, but at least they are unlikely to catch the carrot and lettuce bug.
The birds are just part of cafe life and while some customers think them pesky, most take the line as one quoted that they are just "doing what birds do".
Reading Juliet's report made me smile and realise how lucky we are in the Bay to have such first-world problems.